What telling tools are Facebook’s “You have memories” and TimeHop. The memories I have from “a year ago” today are increasingly full of joy, whereas the memories from two and three years ago are somber and struggling. I so look forward to that day, ever closer, when all the memories that matter are the happy ones, when Facebook will do nothing more than remind me how happy I am.
There are times, when I am reflective, that I try to quantify what has changed in me. I am largely still me, the same me I have always been. There is little in me that is new, except perhaps a sense of quiet confidence and self-appreciation. Perhaps that was all it took. The rest of what has changed is what is gone… or at least departing. I am human. I will always have those moments of self doubt, those pangs of longing for what more might be that I am unsure of attaining.
But what is gone is so much baggage. So much that I never needed that I saw as essential and carried with me for so many years. So much documentation that I believed that told me that I was unloveable, not good enough, did not deserve my dreams. But now the paper that those words was written on is unraveling, line by line, the words melt into oblivion, and no longer have meaning. And as that happens more and more, I realize they never did – it was only my belief in them that kept them there.
What do you do when you see before you all of what you have valued? When the horizon, once dark, is lit up like fireworks in the sky. When everything once a dream takes form, and becomes reality. I know now what you do then. You smile, and feel blessed, happy, and promise yourself to help – somehow – as many other people as you can find that same place.