I grew up wanting to be Mother Teresa. Wishing to be wise beyond wise, and loving beyond loving, patient beyond patient, good beyond good. But I am not Mother Teresa. I am me. I will not be wise beyond wise, loving beyond loving, patient beyond patient, or good beyond good. I will have to settle for being as wise, loving, patient, and good as I possibly can learn to be.
I will have to settle for being me, often feeling big, awkward and clumsy, but realizing that my heart wants only to be those things that I see as ideals. In understanding that I am often needy, in understanding that I often hurt, in understanding that my motivations, as much as I try, are not always as selfless as I wish I could be, in understanding all of that – what I clearly CAN be is someone who WANTS always to emulate Mother Teresa. Who wants to be as close to an angel on earth as I myself am humanly capable of being.
And the reason I want those things? Because I have that dream of leaving pixie dust behind me wherever I go. I have the dream of making people smile, of leaving the world – and each person in it who I can touch better than I found them. I have had the dream of changing the world – making it better. I would love to do that on a huge scale – and perhaps that is not to be. But I, and each of us, can do our best to do that at least on a tiny scale… and that is what I hope most to do.