Wishing to multiply what has been given me

As I say in my book, I spent my youth wishing for a Paraclete – more even than just a mentor. But what I wished for, one person was never going to fulfill. I don’t know why things ended up the way they have. Perhaps I needed to spend those years in observance of people to understand the things I do. 
I feel that as an autistic, relationships may always remain somewhat of a mystery. There is so much I don’t understand, and more I’m not certain if I do or not. But as for what is beautiful in people, I believe that all those years of watching, tuned my eyes to see, my ears to hear, my heart to understand, and my soul to light up when touched by what is beautiful in people. So perhaps those years spent in observation were needed.
For myself, in hurting all that while – I cannot say that was wasted, either. Because, as you can only complement the light, having known darkness – I can SO appreciate the differences in me. Joy is more joyous, love is more loving, happiness is happier, relief brings bigger sighs. Where I was before makes where I am now only more spectacular. My eyes squint at the light after having left such a dark cave. 
So, when now given those bits of mentorship, wisdom and love that have come from those who have given it, I value and appreciate their caring SO much. I value and appreciate them so much. I thank God for them, and for His love in gifting them to me. I am in awe of how my life has changed. I am in awe of the involvement of those who have helped me change it. I know only that I hope to have the opportunity to help others in the way that I have been helped, to multiply the goodnesses given me in any way I can.


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