Almost two years ago now, I told someone very special to me that my goal in life was not to succeed at any talent, but simply to succeed at being a person. There are definite goals behind that statement, that despite all the changes over those two years I can’t say I believe I’ve achieved yet. I am happy with myself – alone – as who I am. I am happy with who I am becoming. I am finding my relationship with God, with the universe, with the world at large. But there is still so much I struggle with, fear, and am insecure about in my relationships with individual people.
Every day, I say the Ho’oponopono prayer “I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you” to each of those I fear I love too much. I cannot help what my heart feels. I can only try to help how I respond to that. I have tried and will always continue to try to learn and grow, with the goal of only displaying that love in ways that are truly caring and respectful to those I love, in ways that honor the person and the feelings I have for them.
But I am human, and admittedly often lonely, and find so much joy in the company of those people I care for, that it is hard not to wish for more of that. But yet I have never intended to impose. I want only to learn to be someone who can bring enjoyment to those I love, as they do to me. People are the greatest source of light and magic to me, and I wish only to be that in return.
I still so often feel I am being pushy and imposing when I wish to spend time with people I care for. But, again, I don’t want to impose, rather – I want to contribute. I want spending time with me to bring others the same joy and happiness that being with them brings me. I want to share love, I want to share joy – with “sharing” meaning that those things are brought by each, and hopefully leave within each in ever greater measure. I want to understand how to be that person who brings light, who overflows with love, who leaves those I care about feeling cared for. That, for me, will spell success.