Sometimes there are just things you learn that resonate with you, and for me one of those things is the idea that we are all one. I have felt that, forever, since long before anyone verbalized that concept to me. Another thing I have heard that I grasped on to is the idea of a soul tribe – that we don’t just have a single soul-mate – but in fact have soul people. And again, I have felt that forever.
Soul people – all of those people we just fit with – who in my mind are those who are not just part of that “one”, but who form along with us a tight-knit fabric of that one-ness. I have felt that it was those people who are not just friends, who are not only family, who are not destined to be a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse – but more deeply even – are destined to be part of us. Who are interwoven within who we are, and we with who they are. Who find special places within us where bits of them belong, and we within them, and we become together whole, as pieces of a puzzle.
I think everyone has those people who are part of that puzzle with them, who form their particular links in the chain of one-ness. I also think many people who do not see this, find fear instead of awe in that closeness, in exposing that piece of themselves to another. How sad to me that is to leave pieces of a puzzle undone, when all the pieces are designed to fit together so perfectly.
And then I laughingly think of me in that fabric, and my hurt for years in leaving those pieces un-connected. And I realized part of how I am different from many other people. I have long thought about what I call layers of love. How when we love a friend, we may love them just as intensely as we love a spouse or a child – but so differently. Because when we are loving a friend we only have to love who they are – we don’t need to (or I suppose typically want to have to) love every little detail of them. We don’t have to love each corner of their particular brokenness (as we are all broken). Most people don’t expose all those corners to the world, so only those closest to them have need of that level of love. We, as friends, or others who love them – just have to love the essence of them – knowing that brokenness exists, but leaving it to someone else to love those parts of them.
But with me, all my edges are exposed to the world. I do not hide. I am raw, organic – who I am, all of who I am, at any moment. So those people who are destined to be those links closest to me in the chain – those puzzle pieces around me – more have to love me in all of my brokenness. Perhaps such is the lot of autistics. And I understand that could be hard, but also in many ways it is beautiful, because I know that those people who ARE designed to fit more closely around me in my particular part of the fabric of our one-ness are very very special people, indeed. And all that much more reason for me to love them, feel blessed by them, and cherish them even more fiercely.