I’m very conservative, but people tell me I’m not. I’m a Christian, but I’ve been told I’m not that either. I do not align with the far right in my beliefs. I do not go to church, nor do I necessarily believe the things many Churches want me to. But I think I believe what Jesus would want me to believe.
I believe that all people are worthy of love. With the same worth, none more than another. I believe that sin is measured in God’s eyes, not in those of humans, and not in human laws – some of which I believe run counter to God’s laws. I do not believe it is our place to judge, but only to continue to love, always, consistently, as best we humanly can.
I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I swear very little. I always try to tell the truth. I live pretty much within the “rules”. But not to be “holier than thou”, but just because that’s me. I’ve had a conversation with God going since I was a small child. A child of three who came home from pre-school in a taxi to an empty house. A child who would wander in the woods for hours with no human knowing where I was. God was my companion. God was my conscience. God was my guardian. God raised me.
I grew up with a mother who not only told me I was hated, but that everyone hated me, God hated me, and that nobody cared that I loved them. Many times in my life, circumstances and words have reaffirmed hers. Maybe everyone does hate me. It has often seemed so.
But the conversation I have had with God for 67 years now has never stopped. I have prayed for healing. The pain persists, and seems to worsen day by day. I pray again. I pray for friendship and love, yet one after another of those dear to me turns away. I pray again. I pray for ease in my life, yet it has been harder than many could imagine. I’ve been bullied, beaten, had a knife at my throat, a gun at my head. I’ve been lost (physically), scared, cold, homeless, hungry. But the conversation continued. Have I had doubts? Of course. But how could I turn away? I can’t. Will God ever answer my prayers in a way that tells me assuredly that He loves me, no matter my mother’s words, no matter the words of many? I don’t know. But the prayers continue. And they will until I can pray no more. Until my bones are dust, and my earthly existence forgotten.
Many have told me I am foolish to believe the things I do. Yet they cannot explain to me why the things they believe are less so. Those who say I am not conservative, say that my words and my actions show acceptance for things that they say go against the Bible. I have in fact read the Bible, more than once. I have also read many other books which support, and/or explain biblical thoughts and concepts. But for me, I come back to two verses, Mark 12:30-31
Mark 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
I believe that. I believe that with my entire being. And to me, that’s what being “conservative” should mean. The definition of conservative is “holding traditional values”. What value could be more traditional, nor have deeper roots than love. Being loving is the most conservative action possible. Yet “love” is also associated with liberal values, “willing to respect or accept behavior or opinions different from one’s own”, “supporter of policies that promote social welfare.” Is that not what love does? Does love not want the best for everyone, and wish to allow each to decide for themselves how to best be the person God has created them to be? Love does not judge or decide another a failure. Love does not judge one person (or race, or color, or…) better than another. Love just loves.
If you wish to share words of support and agreement, I welcome them. If your words are disagreeable or condemning, please don’t share. My heart is hurting enough as is.
featherpresents 